An elephant with two trunks

Let's have a referendum.

I think that all elephants should have two trunks. How about you? Wouldn't that be a really cool thing. Good for the elephant, I bet. And good for the zoo visitor who will be able to see something different. Imagine the benefits of two trunks. Breathing while drinking. The ability to pick up two things at a time. It seems a shame that they have been denied the extra trunk for so long.

I'm convinced that having two trunks would be a major benefit for both elephants and humans. Don't you agree?

So, let's vote on it. We can have a referendum. Sort this out once and for all.

Sounds crazy, doesn't it? The idea that just because people vote for something then it has to be like that. You and I know perfectly well that no matter how overwhelming the vote might be, elephants only have one trunk and that's that. The vote changes nothing. All it does is make us look stupid and ill-informed for bothering.

The Brexit referendum is pretty much the same. People (narrowly) voted for two trunks. They were promised two trunks by politicians who didn't have any prospect of delivering.

Now, the reality of EU membership is starting to become clear. It's a club we can't leave. We are in Europe and, no matter how many people vote to be somewhere else, that's where we stay. Our major trading partners are European. Our food supplies come from Europe. Our defence strategy is European. And so on.

The big shout from the Leave campaigners is that the people have spoken The will of the people must be done. We have to leave the EU. Elephants must have two trunks.

The Government has recently realised that elephants only have one trunk and that there's nothing they can do to change it.  Two isn't possible but none certainly is. If they can chop off the trunk of every elephant then at least they will have done something in response to the referendum.The elephants will all die but that's merely the consequence of holding a referendum that demands a change in the number of trunks an elephant should have.

It's the will of the people that elephants must have two trunks. They voted for something that isn't possible. Even another vote that promises three extra trunks per animal wouldn't change the facts.

It's the same with the EU. Voting for things to be different doesn't change the fact that we rely on our EU membership for our livelihoods.

But, the people have spoken and cutting off our only trunk might be the only alternative to leaving things as they are.

photo credit: marfis75 Elefantastisch. via photopin (license)

First Draft

OK, so you've written a story. Now what?

Read it out loud, either to yourself or some poor soul that hasn’t anything better to do with their time.

This will give you an idea of what works and what doesn’t. A word of warning, if it’s your first novel then very little of it will be salvageable. Best not to try.

I thought my first novel was a humdinger. A work of brilliant wit and master storytelling. Fortunately I paid someone to tell me different.

It wasn’t until I finished my fourth book that I had something that had the potential to be read.  Then I made a big mistake. This was Due Diligence, my first Jenny Parker novel. I’d just finished writing it and was introduced to the crime fiction editor at Orion. He said he’d read it if I sent it to him. On the train coming back from London, I pressed the send button. I wish I hadn’t.

It taught me never to send out or publish a first draft. I never heard from him again and no wonder. The book began with Jenny on the toilet!! What was I thinking? The final version (two years and several versions later) had none of that in it and started what had been halfway through.

You only get one chance to impress a publisher or a reader. If you blow it, that’s them gone for ever. For ever. Think about it. If you started to read a book by D J Harrison and it was an unreadable stinker, would you be likely to seek out one of his later books and give him another chance? No? Of course you wouldn’t.

Publishing a first draft is always a mistake. Always.

What do I mean by a first draft? Well, you’ve written it, put it away, read it out loud and revised it. Then it’s a first draft. 

When you can’t make it any better yourself you need an editor.

Believe me, you can’t edit your own work. It’s impossible. I’ve tried. There’s a blindness that afflicts a writer when reading their own work. After all, you know what you meant to say. You know all about the characters. You know everything. It’s impossible to be objective.

A good editor costs money but is an essential investment. Before you commit to that expense, I suggest that you pay for a critique. This will help to convince you that your novel is worth further time and attention. Or it might not. Both messages should be heeded. Especially the second one.

I think of my novels as ships. If someone looks at the whole vessel and decides that it’s ugly and unserviceable, there’s no point in my redecorating the captain’s quarters and hoping that will make things right, is there?

What about money, though? I already told you that editors cost money. But how much should you pay? Editors are a bit like lawyers. There’s nobody more expensive than a cheap lawyer, in my experience. Scrimp on the editor and you’ll end up with a shoddy book.

photo credit: Mark van Laere Creativity via photopin (license)